ReTales

Here's the thing: Cis women never got too big on the “sir” or “mister” kick. Young or old ( especially not young, thank God), they said it so rarely that it was an actual shock when they said it. It is a different tale with men. Many men are slaves to the binary; they literally cannot converse without resorting to Dude Bro Man Sir Mister Pal Buddy Bud and Brother, Over and over and over again. I have never been so humiliated. They profess friendship just because they think I'm a man (a dude, a brother) (and probably, too, because I'm white). If they knew the truth, and they never knew me as anything but a woman, the lectures would be longer. The coupons would be wronger, and the eyes would be looking me up and down like they were a child and I was a fucking Christmas Tree. And if they knew I was a trans lady, well, fuck. I'd be screwed, hammered down with carpenter nails on the floor until I bled to death. (That's not all of them, but ...

Amid all the other noises, there are words that drift on the wind: “ Do you have advent calendars?” “ Hang on, I'll call grocery. Chocolate or heroin?” “ Um. Heroin.” “ ...an extra twenty cents for lettuce?” … … “ I could send you to prison for that, you know.” “ Nothing. Nothing. Nothing, nothing. Nothing.” “Nothing. Nothing.” “ Pomegranates. Bah!” “ Sir?” “ BAH!” … “ ...they took my wife...” “ And so that's the love of JESUS, you know...” “Oh, yes, and the seven days of fire. You know, it's like in Bible camp...” “Molten ash and belching flames. Say, what are you bringing to the picnic next week?” “ It just makes sense. Five dimes, four pennies, and two quarters makes $1.50. You see? It just makes sense. Five dimes is fifty cents. Four pennies is five cents. Two quarters are 95 sense. Sense. You see? Two quarters are 45 apiece. You see? It just makes cents.” “ No, no, give it to me, give it to me NOW for a lower price...a lower pri...

One day, I'm going to get out of here, and I will not care about the money. And one day, when I have no money, I will give no money to my loans and to my pain, and one day they'll jail me for defaulting. And one day I will get out, and I will still give no money to those loans and to that pain, and one day, they will throw back in again. And one day I will get out, and I will still give no money to them, and to IT. And one day, they'll throw me back again, and one day I'll die in jail. And I'll smile, and I'll give them no money no longer.